Virgins, virgins, VIRGINS.

(Keywords in RED)

So, you’re a virgin. And you thought that after your first lay the abuse would end. Guess again. If you have never attended a hash before, YOU ARE STILL A VIRGIN!!   So, virgin, here is some key information that may lead you to actually WANT to check out a hash.  Lets start with a 'hash'

Hash Overview

A "hash" typically involves a run that is set once weekly by some unlucky group of hashers, typically a lead and some helpers.   The poor sods responsible for setting the hash are known as the "hares" (and thus the predonderence of rabbits on the site).  This also leads to the use of the terms "Harriers" (male) and "Harrietes" (female) when referencing hashers in general.  

The runs themselves are anywhere between three and six miles long.  Six miles is pretty atypical and you would be standing on firm hash legal ground if you were to accuse the hare of being a "wanker" for setting such a death march.  Runs take place on every other Wednesday evening in the spring and summer, and alternating Saturday Afternoons all year 'round .  On the run, you will be following a "trail" that is usually  marked in flour or chalk, (but can also be colored sand, spray string, or even fish aquarium pebbles) The trail hash intersections called "checks" where there are several directions one may be able to go.  The "true trail" will co-exist with many false trails at this point.  Your job, as the intrepid hasher, will be to find the true trail.  You will follow the true trail until you ultimately arrive at the trail end location, which is often a bar, but is often a discreet location..   There you will consume beer and food in a party type atmosphere known as the "On-On" or "On-In".  For those of you who can only follow very simple descriptions, here is a step-b-step of what you need to do for a pleasant (snicker snicker) virginal hash:

Getting there--You only need half a mind

A predetermined location somewhere in the near Greater Sacramento area is sought out for the weeks run, and is posted on the Hareline page of this website.  This way, local hashers as well as out of towners and visiting hashers from other states can find out in advance where the run will take place.You don't need to let anyone know that you are planning on attending the week's hash, you can just show up!

What to Wear--the Hashionable Virgin

Actually, this is more a list of what not to wear: anything that mentions the competitive, evil words r*ce, m*rathon (god help us) tr*athalon, etc. etc.   Also, don't wear new shoes, (unless you want to drink from them, you'll see) or anything you would like to keep clean or have remain in one piece...

Starting--The Circle Up

After everyone has gathered at the start location of the run, a circle is formed with the hares in the middle.  Everyone introduces themselves, using their hash names.   Visiting hashers state their home hash city (or country) and virgins use their real (nerd) names.  The hares will hold a "Chalk Talk" where everyone is told about the particular trail, including which marks will be used, the trail type, and other necessary information that may be needed during the run.  Here you will learn if the trail was pre-set the day before (a dead trail) or will be wet on the fly (a live trail).   On the rare occasions you are on a live trail, you will have the opportunity to "pour flour " the hares....if you catch them.

And you're OFF--The Hash Run

After the circle up, you will be pointed in the general direction of the trail start and will then be on your own (actually you will surrounded by other hashers, but the difference is negligible).  You will be looking for the marks as described by the hare(s) during the "circle-up".  Usually, finding three marks in a row is an indication of being on the "true trail" Thus, on seeking the first mark, you, the clever virgin, will yell out "On-ONE!" to indicate you do not have your head totally up your arse, and found possible true trail.   Upon finding the second mark, you will yell " On-TWO!" Find a third mark, and you will yells" On-ON" indication you are indeed on true trail.  If you are brave, look behind you and you will see the whole pack bearing down on your "On-ON!" yells.  You are now a "FRB", a Front Running Bastard.  

If you are lost, out looking for trail, and hear "On-ON" it is traditional to start running in the direction of the call and not continue to look for trail, where the trail is not.  Following the call of "On-ON!"" will also indicate that you are not a complete numbnut.   Now, the diligent student will ask, "How do I know I am lost?"   Well, Grasshopper, if you are running for some time, and have not seen any marks of any kind, you are LOST.  Turn around, and go back to the last mark and start looking again.  You will "cum" across the markings that were previously described during the circle-up.  This means two things: 1) you are absolutely on trail (there is no such thing as a false check), and 2) you are likely to go off trail at this point.   From a check, the true trail can go in any direction.  Go find it.  There are many false trails to hamper your progress.  A false trail may be indicated by large "F", after several marks, or by marks simply stopping.  There may be no marks at all in the false trail you are running on.  Advice: do NOT follow false trails. 

While on trail, you may hear " RU?", as in :"Are you?", as in "Are you on true trail?" You have several possible responses.  If you ARE on true trail, you would respond, "On-ON!".   If you are looking for true trail, you would respond either "Looking!" or "Checking!"  In all other cases, you would respond, "I am a friggin' virgin wanker and I have no friggin' idea what I am doing!"

A Cherished Moment--The Beer Check!

Somewhere between the start of the run and the end of the run, there will be a very special check...the "On-In" This is usually at a bar, pub, restaurant (though in Boston, most restaurants won’t have us!), or a hasher’s house. Location and directions to the on-in are also posted to the "hotline" at the time of the beer check, for all late cummers or lost hashers, or injured hashers that are just up for socializing. At the "On-In", the group forma another circle where the "Grand Master" and/or "Religious Advisor" leads the group.  Complaints or Complements on the run are shared, virgins are welcomed, and funny experiences tha occurred during the run are shared.  Group members are often "punished" for trail crimes, such as not following trail, losing trail, showing up late, etc etc.  Punishment involves taking a "down-down" of beer (or water for the non-drinkers).  Often, a variety of hash songs are sung.  A good number of hash songs are derivatives or rugby/military songs and have a certain lyrical flair to them that makes them inappropriate for children and sensitive adults.  After the songs are sung and down-downs are finished, the circle breaks, and the group of hashers begin eating, drinking, and socializing.  Diehard hashers (i.e. those without jobs) are known to go to an "On-After", which involves either a trip to another bar or private party, and continue the socializing.

Still want more Info? Here Are Some Frequently Asked Questions Collected From New Hashers

(Courtesy of the Phoenix AZ Hash House Harriers)

(Q) How do I join the Hash

(A) Just show up to one of the runs. On your first run, you will be a virgin but can consider yourself a hasher from that point on. In Boston you will usually get a hash name on your fourth run.

(Q) If I attend a hash, do I have any obligation to show up regularly or pay dues.

(A) In Boston, the $10 you pay at the end of each run is the only money we ask you to pay. We have people who show up once a week and we have people who show up once a year (or less). If you had a good time, come back. If you decide that hashing is not for you, just stop showing up.

(Q) What exactly is a "Hash Name"?

(A) A"Hash Name" is the name that hashers go by during hash events. Every hash member receives a hash name by the other hasher after about their attended third or fourth run.  Usually this name has some connection with a personal embarrassing event, or has sexual implications.  In any case, it is usually a name that you don’t refer to in public, sing on your e-mails, or put on your resume.  The more embarrassed or dissatisfied you are with your hash name, the more likely the hashers will keep it.

(Q) So what's the deal with the term "Hash"?

(A) Okay, here's the story:  The Hash House Harriers phenomenon began in 1938 with an Englishman named Albert Stephen Gispert in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. He gathered together a group of British expatriates to play a variation of a game known as the "paper chase" or "Hares and Hounds", an English schoolboy's game. The group got its name from their hangout, The Selangor Club, which was commonly called the "Hash House" due to its barely edible food.

(Q) I'm oversensitive and easily offended. Is Hashing right for me?

(A) No. You should find a different hobby (suing people, tree hugging, protesting, etc.)

(Q) What kind of people attend the Hash?

(A) People from all walks of life, from judges to students.  You'll find hard core runners, non-competitive runners, walkers, and those that just like to get out and get a little exercise.  In all cases, they are people that enjoy a good laugh, and can have some fun socializing while still getting some exercise.

(Q) Can I bring my children to a Hash event?

(A) It's not recommended unless you're setting aside money forpsychotherapy.  Spend a little money on a babysitter.

(Q) Can I participate in a Hash event without being forced to drink alcohol?

(A) Absolutely. Although a healthy tolerance for people who drink is desirable, the point of hashing is to have fun and get some exercise.

(Q) I want to be a hare. What do I do?

(A) First, attend a few runs so that you get the idea of what hashing is about. After that, see our Hare Raiser, who is usally looking for people to set runs. You will probably want to have a co-hare to help out and show you the ropes.